Friday, August 1, 2008

The thoughts swimming in my mind

Working ... working helps. Sitting alone in the hotel apartment, the brand new spanking Xerox photocopier on my left, the empty bathroom on my right. Only the whirling tunes of the exhaust fan can be heard. Otherwise ... silence. From a distance, a speeding car screeched to a halt. No sound came after that, I guess it must that driver's lucky day.

Today had been productive. The clock tells me it's lunch time and I've gotten some work done this morning. Looking out of 5th floor window, I'm wondering what's good to eat out there. The sun ... as usual have been most unforgiving. It's a non working day today and I see clusters of people lazily throng the streets below. A li'll kid skipping joyfully as he holds on to a man's hand ... his dad's I'm assuming. So little needed to bring happiness to them innocent buggers no? :)

Had a lengthy chat with SY last night. We've decided to try our best to brave this through. Not going to be an easy journey as I've never been in a long distance relationship. Others might laugh at this, saying that it can't be that bad, that it's only for a temporary period. That I've had it better than most. Well, good for you then, you're a lot stronger than I am. Perhaps you're a much better person. The workload I can take, the pressure I can handle. The living conditions, let's just say this isn't my first time travelling for work. And I adapt sufficiently well with people or so I've been told. The luxuries I'v been blessed with back home, I can do without but to see her being miserable ... that's hard to bear. Worrying over her safety and well being all the time isn't something that's going to get any easier with time. This mental gymnastics is the only thing that's gotten me thinking if my posting here is going to see its way till the scheduled end.

Others might not understand ... they might never will for every individual is made and programmed differently. Words can be spat out cheaply. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I have mine too. So why are you trying to tell me how to lead my life, how things ought to be done???!!! Who put you up on a pedestal and made you KING???!!! Yes, I might find difficulties coping with certain things and almighty you may probably think all these are peanut issues ... well, perhaps you've been born a Sherlock and I was brought here a Watson. I'm ranting now ... so sue me!!!

It matters not what I think about who does what or what's your two cents worth on my issues etc. What matters more to me are the priorities in MY life. And the experiences gained especially over the last few years have taught me not to take these things for granted. Sometimes there aren't second chances and bitter regrets only serve to tarnish the chapters of our time here on God's green earth.

Work is work. The monetary factor helps. The experience will be most beneficial. I should be able to hold my own here without too much difficulties ... that I'm sure. Adaptation is part of the evolution us humans are designed for. But at what cost ... only time will tell I guess.

KNNCB!!! ... man that felt good. :)

Disclaimer : This entry does not serve to diss anyone in particular, so do not take offense *honest*. I haven't got the time really to worry about you, you and you. I've got enough on my plate to handle at the moment.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Dude!!!

Mmm... missing someone is real tough, i know. Been there myself. U've got to be strong Dude, there must be a reason why you guys are put to this 'test'... altho no phone calls and emails can replace those "real" times together, imagine if we only had snail mails to communicate!
Hang in there Dude... be strong ya!

Su-Yee said...

hi adrian,

i can understand that! and i am proud that you say it out loud! yes its YOUR life! make it worth every seconds!.......

Anonymous said...

Hugz!! dear Friend!!! Stay Strong!!! Just added ur missus in Skype.. :D

Anonymous said...

adrian: I am not one to voice my opinions unless it is necessary, you know me bro right?

Firstly, cyk's post has relevance ok?

Being alone ( for now ) in AB is nothing to the shit CYK was thrown into...nothing near in fact.

It is also nothing near the shit that a few of us were faced with when assigned to Sudan. Imagine being helpless in a war torn country where even taking pics might end up with you jailed for one week. Armed jeeps everywhere ready to shoot your balls off at a single glance...tiu!!!

You have a nice Service Apartment to stay in, all we had was a 20 feet marine container made of steel. Can you imagine how the temperature was like when there was no electricity? Oooh, half of the time there was no electricity and water so we had to go around near naked. Hygiene conditions were like fuck. Internet? what is Internet? We couldn't even go to toilet at night for fear of snakes and scorpions. We had to do our business in mineral water bottles in the shared room, only to thow the waste away when the sun showed itself.

It is ok to rant and rave and write your thoughts but this post is for you to think about whenever you feel that you have been short changed OR when you feel that this AB posting is a BIG obstacle...did I mention obstacle? what obstacle?

To give advise and solace is ok la but nothing more than that la. I am not saying that cyk and myself or others like us are of a higher level or better human beings to have been thru the so called shit....to me, everyone is the same. Just comment on things that you know and reserve your comments on things that you THINK you know.

Secondly, there is NO REASON that anyone is put to "this" test...what test? It is part of work where one is assigned to do the job and the company makes a lot of moolah out of it....simple equation right?

For the records, everyone had their chance to make the choice of going or not going right?. You have made your choice and I feel that you will make it thru...no problemo..

You will do fine, no worries. Help is always near, just give us a holla...it is not a crime to shout for help nor is it cowardice ( pls reserve your comments on this unless you are Adrian Lim ).

In the meantime, try to stop feeling pissed or sorry for yourself and make the best out of it.

Just a word of consolation:
"This is nothing as when compared to the shit that your company can dish out...this is nothing bro...NOTHING".

Anonymous said...

Don't understand why Adrian can't post what he feels or have to "only comment on things that he know and reserve his comments on things that he THINKS he knows".... this is his blog isn't it.

And I don't think he's complaining much about the place or working environment but rather being apart from SY. The complaints are NOTHING as compared to the deleted postings of hammertheboss! talk about cowardice!

You know you love me
XOXO

Adrian said...

Hey bro, I think you should know it best when I say To Everyone ... His / Her Own. Like you said, we all have choices to make, so be it Sudan, Dubai or Abu Dhabi ... no basis to sigh then.

'Surviving' in Abu Dhabi shouldn't pose a problem. I'm not pissed la ... neither am I feling sorry for myself. Settling in will take sometime ... for me at least but I'm just missing and worried about the well being of my other half. Now that I'm not ashamed to admit. THAT'S my TEST. So it has absolutely nothing to do with my work or job function here.

Furthermore, Babu Babi is paradise ma. Won't mati katak wan. :P Hehehe.

Waaa ... who is this Gossipgirl ar??? I do not wish for my blog spark off a commenting warfare. Not joking here.

Anonymous said...

gossipgirl: hey ho waddaya know...we have a fellow club member here.

I actually deleted some delicious parts to my comment posting...hmmm, maybe thats why the the misunderstanding arised. Waht was meant to be said was this:
Adrian can of course post what he wants on his blog...ITS HIS as you've mentioned.

Its for the other to reserve comments of what they THINK they know...there clear now?

BTW, didn't know you were a follower of HTB. Kinda sucks when it was deleted huh? tooooo bad.

Cowardice? maybe ...maybe not...maybe the original HTB was started to weed out snakes in the group..who knows?

Anonymous said...

I dun know who is gossipgirl and I dun give a flying "F".

Hey bro..I salute you for voicing out your feelings towards those you love...no harm in that, we are all human beings man.

As mentioned, I/We KNOW that you will do ok...

Anonymous said...

adrian: will respect your blog and wishes dude..no commenting warfare on my part from hereon.

Take care bro, will see you soon.

Adrian said...

To all, irregardless, I'm sure all your intentions were kind. So let's not allow some minor misunderstanding to sour anything la.

All comments shall cease here or I'll have to go and shove apples into your kissers. Kapish! :)

Anonymous said...

I believe every1's been through a tough time in their life...maybe it's the degree of toughness we r talking about that differs here...

I for one had experience this kind of feeling when I came to KL on my own for the first time. I wont want to compare it to what our guys SUFFER in Sudan and to what u been going through in Abu Dhabi...cuz I think they had worse than me...But I strongly believe that the FEELING there is mutual in a way...End of the day, the 'process' of me being here in KL has taught me to be more independent and responsible on my life...it's a good thing in a way after everything that I went through...But if u ask me do i want to go through it again??? Honestly, I wont want to do so...cuz 1 time for me is enough...more than enough...cuz 1 time has made me see things more CLEARLY...

It's not easy...I totally understand...

But sometimes after a busy day on yor work and when u r sitting on the corner of yor room and starts to mumbles...u might want to ask yorself one question though.

"Is this Abu Dhabi thingy worth it at all???"...worth more than spending the times with yor loved ones...and perhaps yor other half...

As to what jamie mentioned...
"everyone had their chance to make the choice of going or not going right?. You have made your choice and I feel that you will make it thru...no problemo.."

I guess u know what is my CHOICE then after my comments... :)

Adrian said...

Mr.SS,

Yes, you're right. The difference is in the degree of 'toughness' as we shall call it. But then again, life is never always filled with sunshine, rainbows and butterflies and there's never such a thing as a free ride.

Reminding ourselves constantly of such a fact will hopefully put many things into perspective.

Choices ... sighhh the choices we make somtimes ...

Jamie said...

YOU WILL PULL THRU...no problemo

BUT

As always, you will still have the right to choose

Personally, I feel that there is nothing wrong if you feel the need to pack your bags and come home ( duration doesn't matter ). Even if that happens, NO ONE has the right to say that Adrian Lim did not try or did not give his best.

To see the whole project thru is not easy nor difficult, not for you but I understand you fretting for your loved ones because a lot of us has been thru the same shit.

Anyway, I DO NOT give a shit about Abraj "Freaking" Cooling LLC nor their Management staffs BUT you are still KJ staff to us. With that said, you can be 110% sure that we will support you if the need arise.

Adrian said...

Hey Jamie,

Really appreciate it man. Things like these really counts in this kinda situations. Salute.

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