Saturday, December 12, 2009

Blast from the past ... my many misadventures!

Following up from the previous post, here are some of the recaps of the various ‘misadventures’ experienced as far as I could remember. Some of em’ are due to my own misdemeanours while others boils down to pure rotten luck I guess. I know some of you would genuinely enjoy reading this. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these eh? ... :p

Case 1 :

It is a ritual of sorts for my family and I to have dinner with our extended relatives from my dad's side at least a couple of times a year. We aren't too close to them and being a 4 or 5 year old rascal at that time, I used to dread going for such meal functions. The 'dads' would banter bout politics, the 'mums' chattering on TVB's latest hit series and the only common topic I had with my distant cousins was ... school. BORINGGG!!!

My younger bro and I would bug our parents till no end to adopt a 'hit and run' ... meaning arrive as late as possible, gobble our food and leave asap. So on one of the CNY days, we (my bro and I) reluctantly went for one of these obligatory dinners. All I wanted was for the meal to end speedily so we can then make our way home and I can resume my game on the Micro Genius. I was crazy over Mario Bros. 2 then ... I mean, who wasn't. Chinese restaurants during CNY are always packed. So naturally the food would take rather long to be served. Hence, to pass the time (and to avoid having to make small awkward talk with my cousins), me and my bro would leave the table and simply ... scream and run around as if we OD-ed on candy floss.

We circled tables haphazardly much to the displeasure of the other customers I'm sure until I tripped on my greatgrandma's four legged walking stick. You can now picture John Woo's directional style where everything seem to occur in relatively slow motion. I hit the restaurant's glass door head first (forehead to be exact) before bouncing back flat on the carpetted floor. CRASH BOOM BANG!!! Time froze ... everything stopped and sheer silence enveloped the atmosphere. My parents rushed to me and picked me up. My dad swore he saw the swell grew by the second till it was as big as half a tennis ball. Panic striken, I was driven to the nearest clinic before the doc re-assured my parents that I would be ok.

So there you have it, I spent the remaining CNY holidays with a hideous swell plastered on my head ... well, at least we managed to cut short that dinner eh? :p We still fondly joke bout it every now and then. :)

Case 2 :

My aunt (mum's eldest sis) used to babysit me since I was a tiny li'll kid. So every morning, before work, my parents would drop me off at PJ's Section 17 Happy Garden flats where my aunt lived. Since my aunt's flat was located on the 2nd floor and I always had a phobia of being trapped in an elavator all alone, most of the time, I would just take the stairs and brave the awful stench emitted from the garbage chute. Now on the 1st floor, there lived a plump spinster who's eternally draped in her 1960s floral pyjamas. The other thing is her massive hair ... it was just so ... BIG! I'm sure if one were to put it on a weighing scale, it would read nothing less than 30 kgs. If a fly went it, God forbid, it will never ever ever ever find its way out ever ever ever again. She would definitely give Rosmah Mansor a run for her money. *Hehe*

Now crazy spinster also have a companion ... a perpetually pissed off Pomenarian. Crazy little bugger who's barking mad (literally). Well, I wouldn't really blame the furry dude la ... I would go insane too if I were forced to face a master blessed with a face so hideous no mother could possibly love. Oh and just so you know, the dog and I share the same name ... Adrian. *Sheesh*

So everyday without fail, upon reaching the 1st floor, Adrian (the dog) would bark at Adrian (me). KNN! Usually I would just ignore the four legged idiot but this time it was different because ... THE FREAKING DOOR GRILL WAS LEFT OPEN!!! *HORROR*

Adrian stood on the walkway barking furiously at me while I stood rooted like a gargoyle ... shocked and not daring to even breathe. O_O" Adrian then confirmed my worst fear when he started charging towards me. I turned around and ran as fast as my tiny feet could take me. I ran up the stairs like a bat out of hell ... floor after floor. Not once did I turn back to see if Adrian was still hot on my heels cause I didn't need to ... the sharp ear piercing sounds of his bark let me know he ain't giving up on the chase.

When I reached the highest floor (8th), I had no choice but to run towards the other end of the block and started descending down. A while after, I noticed the barking had ceased. I slowed down my running and realised I wasn't being chased anymore. Not taking any chances, I quickly made my way to my aunt's place and she was puzzled that I arrived drenched in sweat.

The next day, I made my parents walk up with me for fear of a reoccurence from yesterday's frightful episode. The grill was latched this time but no bark. Adrian (the dog) was no where to be found and till this very monent, it still remains a mystery to me what happened to him. One can only hope that he was abducted by aliens and gets his well deserved payback of daily anal probings for being such a SOB!

Case 3 :

My uncle, (the husband of the aunt who babysat me) opened up his own mechanic workshop in SS19, Subang Jaya. On the grand opening day, friends and relatives were invited for some small makan and get-together. After stuffing myself with food from the buffet spread, I went off to play on my own while the adults chatted on. Can't really remember what happened but I ended up getting one leg stuck inside the metal grill covering the drain. So you can imagine, one leg stuck under while the other was on top. I tried freeing myself before anyone else noticed but I simply couldn't. Soon everyone knew and my parents tried to tug me free. The pain forced a scream and tears out of me. It was really a very embarassing situation I was in. :(

My stuck leg was coated with engine lubricants but it was to no avail. It was wedged in there for good. With no other options, the Fire Dept. was called and the firemen had to saw out the grills with an electric cutter in order to free my leg. Sighhh ... so malu.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Blast from the past ... Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

Rewind the clock by 22 years or so and you'll have li'll ol' me in kindergarten. Towering less than 3 feet tall, I had to be literally dragged to 'school' everyday to this quaint corner house lot in Section 17, PJ. A couple of my cousins went there too. No, I didn't like it there cause unlike the lucky tots nowadays, we didn't get to sink our fingers into colourful Play Doh or excite our minds with the latest games on the PSP. We did math, we read and recite the 'wonderful adventures' of Peter, Jane and Pat, the dog. During break time, we were told to sit down and finish our crackers and diluted Milo in utter silence. *blehhh* In addition, with a teacher I likened to a vile prison warden ... Ms. Khoo was my boogeyman ... my monster under the bed. I was terrified of her to the core *shiver*.

Anyways, nearing the end of the semester, we were told that the kindie is going to make us take a Final Exam. OH THE HORROR!!! Ms.Khoo a.k.a. Ms. Khookhoociau piled the pressure on us to do well. Perhaps the teachers were riding on a bet on whose students could perform the best. All parents were made aware of this exam and to dangle the carrot in front of me, my parents promised me a gift should I excel. My aunt promised my cousin the same. The game is ON!

The exams came and went. I was glad that it was finally over. On a sunny blue sky day (probably) ... as my cousin and I were sitting on a swing, waiting to be picked up ... we schemed. Yeap, you heard right ... a couple of 7 year olds ... putting our devious li'll minds together to connive!!! Muahahaha!

So here's the story, we would both go home that day and tell our parents that we scored the No.1 position in class. With that, we'll demand for our rightful gifts straightaway. *Brilliant*

That night I went home and delivered the 'good news' and with that, I bugged them till no end to take me to Savemart, SS2. Finally, I settled for a battery operated toy gun ... the kind with flashy lights and sounds yo! I went to bed clutching my prized possession to sleep. *Sweet Success* :)

The next day at kindie, I saw my cousin and she too had a huge smile plastered over her face. I knew our plan had worked. She snagged herself a Barbie.

The weekend soon came by and as usual, my family went to pay grandma a visit. Coincedentally, my aunt and cousin were there too. *Gulp*

Our families soon got to talking and obviously talked bout our recent 'achievements'. To cut the story short, they soon worked out that there can't possibly be two No.1 students in the same class and the cat was out of the bag. :(

Hell hath no fury like my mother's scorn I tell ya. To say I got an earful was an understatement of monsterous proportion. I ended up spending most of the night outside alone in the dark before Dad let me in. Eh, for a 7 year old, being alone in the dark was no joke k.

My cousin was luckier, she got off with a meager lecture bout telling fibs bla bla bla.

The funny part was that a couple of weeks later, the exam results were announced. They graded us not by positions in the class but overall throughout the entire grade. Only 5 best students were awarded and my cousin and I were among the elite 5. KNN!!! If only we waited a li'll longer ... sighhh.

So the moral of the story is ... TIMING IS EVERYTHING!!! ... oh and don't lie especially to your parents. The truth is always out there. *cue X-Files music theme*