I've been waiting for this moment ... diligently counting down the days, the hours, the minutes till I can finally head home for good. The past thirty three months I've been thrusted into a world I never knew before ... but all this will come to an end in a couple of days time. Soon I'll be back to a life I was once familiar with ... a life I once had.
The odd thing that hit me is this ... I expected myself to be feeling on top of the world ... I mean the prospect of going home, to be with family and friends, to seize back the life I used to relish ... all these should thrill me to no end ... but somehow that's not what I'm experiencing at this moment. In fact, deep down inside, I feel that there's a sense of dread that's trying to claw its way out of me. A definite fear that is trying to eat me whole.
I reckon all this may sound a little too melodramatic ... maybe it is ... but to a certain extent, it's true. A frequent quote I've heard and used many times ... 'Time will tell' ... I guess there's no denying that time will ultimately reveal everything. So it's just a matter of waiting it out and see what happens. Just that I'm not comfortable starring into the abyss and wait for the monster to come get me ... if there is one in the first place. Still ... the idea of not knowing terrifies me.
I ought to be thankful for what I have ... I mean considering all the shit that's happening around the world ... the tsunami the Japs were hit by, the constant war that has enveloped the Arab world, starvation in the African nations ... actually, I should be shot for even voicing out my oh-so-trivial discontentment with life. I guess this is just one of my off days and I would really appreciate an avenue where I can channel out my grouses. So just bear with me or you can simply click on the little red button with the 'x' at the top right hand corner of your screen. :p
I think I've blogged bout this some time previously ... the part where I wake up every morning, look into the mirror and I say to myself 'Hey buddy, sucks to be you huh'. Despite his bleh-ness, some good did come out from all these. Well, I'm now a proud co-owner of a rather nice pad, at least that's how I would rate my home. Also, working here have afforded me a couple of memorable holidays and not to mention some cool gadgets ... only God knows how I survived without the iPad previously. Let's see, what else ... oh, I've managed to catch up on a lot on my reading, one of the few activities that helped kept my head in check all these while. It's where I can 'escape' briefly from the bitter reality. Ok ... I know ... drama queen again.
Ok, now towards the downers. Well, my health ain't at its optimum so to speak. I may look ok on the outside but I'm pretty sure the insides isn't as pleasant looking healthwise. I've been consuming instant noodles AT LEAST ONCE EVERYDAY. That means my stomach is probably lined with enough wax to fill an entire Madame Tussauds galery. I know you'll say something along the lines of 'Why don't you just eat something else instead?!!!'. Well, given the situation that me and my colleagues are in, it's easier said than done ... trust me on this one. Also, never before have I been exposed to weather this harsh ... at the peak of summer, it goes well above 50 degs C. So I laugh when I hear the pussies back home whining over how scorching it is when the thermometer reads a paltry 38 degs C. Pffttt ...
Oh and then there's the sand. You know how you read about the white soft sands along the sapphire beach that holiday makers just love to squish between their toes ... well, newsflash, the ones we get here aren't the same. During a sandstorm, you'll get particles of sands making its way into every of your available orifice and there's really no way of preventing it. So the next time you see me, you might as well call me a walking hourglass.
The other stuff are almost neglectable ... the lack of social life, no proper transportation at my disposal, NO GYM (I've been gym-ing everyday before I came over here), the shortage of proper food amongst other things.
Well, my biggest grievance is time. Well, how I was robbed of it to be more precise. Of course, no one pointed a gun to my head and forced me to spend three years here but nevertheless, it's fact that I've lost three years of my life being away from the people that matters most to me. Take for instance, a colleague of mine whose mom passed away while he was working here. So the million dollar question is ... is all the money in the world worth what we're trading it for? And another aspect of my life has simply gone from bad to worse. Well, that's a story for another day.
We cannot turn back time, what's gone is gone. So I should try to make the most of what I have now. But is it too late? *cue drama music of your choice now* All jokes aside, this period of time have been a real trial for me. I guess I'm weak. A lot of others have endured worse and aren't bitching bout it. This makes me sound like a pussy. So I guess I'll just cut it short and end it here.
Let's hope things will turn out well for me eventually. Let's hope I'll see the rainbow after the storm.
Thanks for reading.